"I am the light. I am the redeemer. I am God, and I have returned."
Greetings my children, and welcome to Heaven Inc, where we say 'IT PAYS TO PRAY!' First off let me congratulate you in choosing Heaven Inc. for your theological requirements. As an established company with a proven track record of spiritual affirmation and salvation, we feel that we are uniquely placed to offer you the best possible service for you and your soul in this life and the next.
NO DOWN PAYMENT REQUIRED!
We're so confident that you'll love it here that we require nothing other than YOUR FAITH in order to become a full life member of Heaven Inc. Not only this, but we work on a no obligation system where you are free to leave the organisation at any time.
(WARNING: While individuals are free to leave at any given time, Heaven Inc. reserves full ownership of said participant's soul for the duration of eternity. Removal from Heaven Inc. may result in damnation. Heaven Inc. also reserves the right to deny entry to any participant deemed unsuitable. The deadline for final applications to join Heaven Inc. is judgement day. After this date no future applications will be considered under any circumstances. Apply early to avoid disappointment. God's decision is final. No discussion shall be entered into.)
